March 2005
Nurturing a Child’s Spirit
(Get comfortable. This is a biggy.)

Last month, I shared my perspective and understanding of “a child’s spirit.” I also invited you to take a journey of presence and awareness, to view and experience your children and students in a new light. So how was this adventure? What did you discover about children or yourself?

Being in the presence of children is a constant learning experience. I would guess that on any given day in the classroom, I learn more than students! This past month I paid closer attention to these precious beings of light. I discovered that, in general, no matter the age, environment or situation, children appeared to be seeking: a) connection, a sense of belonging or relationship to people and things, b) acknowledgment or attention, c) autonomy – freedom to choose one’s path or way of being in the world, d) self expression and e) pleasure or fun. I am sure you could add much more to this list.

Why is it important and what does it mean to nurture a child’s spirit? How do I foster this precious, unique and delicate flower? How do I nourish and support the transcendence of this bud into the bloom of its perfect magnificence?

We all seek ways to connect with the meaning, purpose and direction of our lives, to uniquely live our full potential, and to grow in loving relationship with self and others. I believe that nurturing a child’s spirit is essential for cultivating and embracing these qualities of living. Creating environments and relationships that lovingly support children being in touch with their inner self, their true essence, and their greater purpose leads to a fuller, richer life. Kindling their divine spark within fuels their internal wisdom and power to seek, stretch, imagine, and dream, to hold a bigger picture of themselves in the world, not just in childhood, but in adult life also.

HOW do we nourish what is alive and flourishing within children? This is a bigger subject than a newsletter can encompass.
I will do my best to provide you with strategies, ideas, direction, contemplation or ways of being that support this intention. Choose what works for you. I encourage you to take some forward movement, some small step, some action. Open your heart and mind to move from the familiar to the unfamiliar, to newer positive possibilities. Most importantly, have fun.

VALUE UNIQUENESS
“You have a unique message to deliver, a unique song to sing, a unique act of love to bestow. This message, this song, and this act of love has been entrusted exclusively to the one and only you.” John Powell

I believe we all have a need to express and contribute uniquely to the world and to fulfill our divine potential. Our commitment to recognize and appreciate the inherent gifts of each child means supporting their pursuit of personal interests, dreams and desires, celebrating “out of the box” thinking and creativity - valuing their greatness not sameness, awakening them to the beauty within by reflecting back their divine qualities, fostering their positive contributions that benefit humanity, and to value, love and cherish them as the perfect expression of Spirit they are, not as you want them to be.

What adults mirror to children is how they then perceive themselves. If children experience significant adults in their lives as loving, nurturing, grateful, appreciative and spiritual, they see themselves in the same light. If they see us pursuing a joy-filled life of achieving personal goals and moving past false beliefs and obstacles to embrace living more fully, they will likely follow our footsteps.

When you change the lens through which you view children, you are able to move past the less desirable behavior to see the greater truth. Children’s behavior is a form of communication to get a need met. Children may not have yet acquired the language to express or label a need. Let’s face it, many adults still struggle with this, including me. I invite you to look past the behavior to see what need your child is trying to get met, what he/she is communicating. This will take some guessing and practice.

In the book “The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children” by Wendy Mogel, are examples of seeing children in a different and positive light: “Try thinking of: your stubborn or whining child as persistent…your complaining child as discerning…your argumentative child as outspoken…your loud child as exuberant…your reckless, rule breaking child as daring and adventurous…your bossy child as commanding and authoritative…your obsessive child as detail oriented…” Get the picture?

The word “educate” comes from the latin 'educare', meaning to draw out that which is within. Our roles as teachers, parents, caregivers is to create loving and nurturing environments where ALL children feel safe and free to develop, explore, discover, and reveal their inherent uniqueness. These gifts, talents, treasures or abilities often lie dormant or undeveloped simply because they are not valued or cherished at home or school. Our current educational system’s focus on standardization, test scores and paper/pencil tasks limits children expressing their authentic selves.

I invite educators to experience a “Day Without Dittos (worksheets)”. When students are engaged in experiential learning, group or individual projects, where they are the initiator of their learning process and experience, you will discover a greater love of learning and discipline will no longer be your highest priority. Try this one day a week or one day a month, but try it. Call it “INDEPENDENCE DAY”. Have students create a plan for their time and counsel with you for materials, resources or implementation suggestions. This is a freedom most students have never experienced. They may need your support as a facilitator. Then enjoy the miracles taking place. I remind you that students remember 10% of what they hear, 50% of what they see, 60% of what they say, and 90% of what they do.

In a first grade class last month, the school acknowledged the 100th day of school as cause for celebration. Questions arose about what a “hundred” was, what it looked like, how to measure it, etc. Students explored the classroom environment and discovered many groupings of a hundred objects. Then we ventured outdoors. The students began experiencing the familiar in a novel way: 100 rocks, 100 grains of sand, 100 needles on the pine tree, 100 squares on the sidewalk, 100 fingers, 100 fence posts,100 bricks, and many new questions evolved from there. There was a treasure chest of skills acquired and children were fully in charge of their learning.

Affirm Autonomy
All children are born curious and have an internal motivation to learn and to find personal meaning. Each child has an individual style for interacting with their environment, for learning and getting needs met. Creating opportunities for free thought and action affirms their autonomy. When children are given choices and personal freedoms, they learn to make decisions and develop a sense of self-direction, self-sufficiency and self-confidence which are important for living their greatness. Children’s experimentation with independence is a learning process. Provide opportunities for them to discuss, problem solve and brainstorm strategies for expressing their individuality and increasingly assuming personal responsibility for their own lives. Value their desire for independence.

FOSTER EXPRESSION
”Creativity is a way of thinking, learning, and expressing oneself that goes beyond the arts into the entire way we understand and relate to the world.” Rachel Kessler

Children seek every opportunity to create and be creative. Creativity is the freest form of expression. It is how children uniquely express their inner selves and experience the deeper dimension of existence especially when they are solely invested in the process. Creativity provides avenues to experiment, explore, investigate, express new ideas, invent, convey emotions, take risks, and stretch the imagination.

There are an infinite number of ways to express creatively. Some possibilities are music, dance, clay, water play, photography, paint, sew, drama, singing, crafts, hobbies, movement, skits, musical instruments, writing, poetry, video production, etc. Allow time for exploration, practice and interactions with a variety of materials and activities. Children also need time to plan, construct, design, and revise projects. Appreciate the noise of excitement, the messiness that may result, the responsibility learned from cleaning up, and their deep gladness for freedom of expression.

How many of you get that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are asked to artistically create in a class or workshop? Somewhere or at sometime you experienced and imprinted criticism or “only color within the lines” judgment. An important gift you can offer a child is the process of self-evaluation. Instead of an adult opinion or praise, which a child can accept or reject and which comes from outside themselves, assist children in making evaluations from the inside, coming from the internal vs. external. When they develop internal self-worth and acknowledge their own accomplishments, they become empowered and self-motivated.

I find meaning and connection in telling children how their artistic expression touches my life. I warmly share that their painting of a rainbow evokes feelings of awe and wonder at how light and water create such beauty and vibrant colors and how she captured that beauty, that I feel energized when I see drawings of trees and nature because Nature is my sanctuary – where I feel most alive, or the joy expressed while singing reminds me of the pleasures and sense of belonging as I sang in the school chorus as a child, etc. As I model appreciation for their creations and how it connects us, I notice they no longer seek my approval and learn to share with me the value and meaning of their work. Remember, this is a process. Play with this and give it some time to gel.

CULTIVATING CONNECTION
“We can never know anything until we understand how it relates to everything else.” Four Worlds Development Project

Stories
Telling stories is a wonderful avenue for opening hearts and feeding the spirit. There are immensely powerful messages in stories: the hero’s journey, facing fears, transformation, overcoming obstacles, creative solution seeking. Stories allow children to imagine themselves in a variety of settings, places and situations, personally relating to characters and unique events. Stories engage adult and child in the spirit of sharing values, feelings, cares and concerns. Stories provide safe ways to look at and understand challenging situations and to make connections between our lives and the lives of others.

Children tell stories all the time. When they share about what they did at school or on the playground or at the park or an injury, they are telling their story. Giving children opportunities to talk about their life events helps them understand themselves and make greater sense of their relationship to the world. Students routinely invite me to connect with them by sharing their stories of seeing angels, their beliefs in the extraordinary, the presence of God in their lives, inventions they are creating, and lots about family dynamics.

In turn, I routinely connect with children in a classroom simply by telling stories of my childhood, how school life was different in the past, concerns, what troubles me and what brings me great joy. This connection changes our relationship from “me and them” to “us”. I cherish these moments of connection. I believe it is what the students and I both hold dear to our hearts and remember most on any given day. What stories about yourself do you share with children?

If you are telling stories in a group, I suggest creating a talking stick. This is an ancient custom found around the world in which an object is used to honor and show respect for the storyteller. Whoever is holding the talking stick is the only one speaking while the rest of the group are listeners. The talking stick can be decorated with feathers, beads, paint, etc. or other objects may be used such as stuffed animals

Listen With Your Heart
To hear is human, to listen is divine.

Listening to children requires paying attention and creating a safe, inviting space and time to share thoughts, stories, hopes, dreams, desires, frustrations, imagination and feelings with you. Children value this sacred and trusting relationship of sharing heart to heart, especially when they know they are lovingly heard. When children feel people genuinely listen, they sense their own significance and importance. Create special times daily just for listening and give your full attention by minimizing or reducing distractions.

Children often get to the heart of an issue quickly. Let children set the tone and pace of how much they want to share. Listen for the deeper meaning. Ask questions for clarity if there is opportunity or restate what you understood to check for meaning or interpretation. If they are sharing about a problem, check to see if they are seeking your advice. Children will tune you out if you are trying to fix something that is already resolved in their mind. I’m sure you can recall a time that just talking about a challenging situation drew forth inherent wisdom, creative solutions or Ahas without the listener needing to say a word.

BRIDGE THE SACRED
“There are not seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million.” Walt Streightiff

Live in the mystery, live in the moment
Children sense that mystery simply exists. They see it in the way things change through seasons and life cycles. Through their natural curiosity, they ask questions: Where does the sky end? Is grandma in heaven? Why is the moon different shapes? Children search for meaning, purpose and insights through the pursuit of questioning.

Mystery is evolving every second. Living in the wonder is exciting, inviting and deeply enriching. Encourage children to ask all sorts of questions, especially the “whys”. It is fun to play “I Wonder…” and take turns finishing the statement. You do not need to have or know the answers as children often find excitement and exhilaration in just being with the questions. Live in the moment and mystery with them. With students, I will sometimes think aloud, modeling how I am drawing conclusions, sorting through information, how I might take the questions deeper or where I might find answers.

Nurtured in Nature
Nature is the art of God. Sir Thomas Browne
Children feel vitally alive in nature. They respond to the beauty and majesty nature offers. This is where many children connect with wonder, awe, freedom, exploration, rhythms, comfort, joy, strength, awaken their senses and engage their body. Nature is heaven on earth. This is often where children AND adults feel closest to belonging to something larger.

Children’s love and appreciation for outdoor life is met through observation, exploration and interactions: watching a mother bird feed her young, a caterpillar climbing a fragile branch and later transforming into a glorious butterfly, tending the soil for vegetable gardening, ducklings following their mother’s lead, an insect walking on water, digging in wet sand or mud, etc. Acknowledging the mysterious and miraculous is life enriching and healing. Children will remember nature as a place to return to time after time for inner contentment.

Arizona offers abundant opportunities to experience its majestic natural beauty through parks, playgrounds, hike and bike trails, lakes, backyards, creeks, nature conservancies, national and state parks. Be with Nature often.

Journey of the heart
Children depend upon adults to support a consciousness of infinite possibilities. When children know they are loved and have a special place in our hearts, they experience greater awareness of their beauty and perfection while in our presence and their essential nature is drawn forth. Take time to recognize and affirm the uniqueness and specialness of children and students often, listen to their heart’s callings, cherish those special moments of caring and sharing and giving and receiving, and the blessings of really, really, really seeing them for who they truly are. Set an intention for your interactions to be heart-warming, not always correcting. Remind children they are love, loved, loving and lovable. And watch their lights shine brightly! Yours too! When you give love, you receive love. "The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose.” Hadia Behar Most importantly, remember to have fun, laugh often, play much, and live life to the fullest. Lovingly and gently guide children and students to live a positive, purposeful, prolific, passionate life.

Abundant blessings of love and light,
Adrian

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.”
Kahlil Gibran

Who is Adrian Reznik? I am a visionary. I am also a veteran educator primarily in the area of special education. I have taught preschool through eighth grade and adults with developmental delays in a variety of settings: public and charter schools and nonprofit agencies. I have a gift for seeing the blessings in all of life, especially children, that I joyfully express and share with the world. I am deeply passionate about living my soul's calling of bringing the spiritual realm into the educational setting, into relationship with children and calling forth the unique potential of each child. In addition to Nurture A Child events, web site, and newsletter, and the volunteer services I offer my spiritual community, I substitute teach in Kindergarten through fifth grade classrooms nearly full time. Although the spelling of my first name is masculine, I am female. I am tickled at how children often misread or mispronounce my name: Miss President, Miss Resident, Miss Redneck and my favorite, Miss Roses.

Nurture a Child “Nuggets”

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the numerous responses and suggestions for a local reader looking for a preschool in her area. You share my vision of creating a community of support!!!

Email me with more requests, desires, questions, suggestions, events, what you want more of, less of, etc. I want to hear from you!!! In return for your feedback or request, I will send you 12 Ways To Be An Effective Mentor by Jane Bluestein which contains valuable information for supporting children’s greatness.

MARCH 20, 2005: INTERNATIONAL PARENT COMMITMENT DAY
Join millions of parents around the world who are making the commitment to Parent With Purpose. For resolutions, celebrations, rituals, stories, and other exciting strategies for celebrating International Parenting Commitment Day, check out the ideas at www.10commitments.net GREAT WEB SITE! MUST VISIT!!!